Dr. Payne holds a B.A. degree from Purdue University, Masters in Curriculum and Instruction from McDaniel College, and a Doctor of Ministry and Missions degree from the University of Family Bible Institute, College, and Seminary in Maryland. Dr. Payne is a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor and a Professional Clinical Member of the National Christian Counselors Association (NCCA) in Sarasota, Florida. Dr. Payne developed and implemented a domestic violence ministry at a multicultural church in Maryland. The ministry, which is a part of the Church’s Care Ministry, provides resource information, emotional, and spiritual support for individuals experiencing domestic violence and intimate partner violence, sexual assault, and human trafficking
I was blessed — growing up, my mother instilled in me a deep love for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Despite spending ten years in two different Projects in the inner-city of Chicago, I always felt safe because of my family and church support. My mother would always testify that I was her miracle baby at church because I was born a month early and only had a 50/50 chance of survival.
Though my parents took care of me, I do not remember receiving much affection or praise. From age six to ten, my mother created the Good News Bible Club after school and Vacation Bible School. There I met new friends and also learned many Bible verses, songs, and stories. The greatest joy was knowing that Jesus loved me. I accepted Jesus as my Savior at the young age of ten.
I continued my relationship with Christ, throughout my teenage years. I learned the power of God when you read his word, pray, trust, and obey him. Despite my connections with the church, I do not believe I had a genuine relationship with God.
During high school, I was focused on sports and rigorous classes to prepare myself for college. Unfortunately, I did not leave much time to be with my God. My self-esteem was low, and I desired to be appreciated and loved. My parents, nor my church, talked with me in detail about intimate male and female relationships. However, there were many rules. Like that girls could not play sports, the number of other rules made me think about all the many things I could not do through Him, instead of all that I could do.
Once I transitioned into my college years, I was young and naive. My high school years were consumed with church, academics, and sports. I did not have time to experience a serious relationship. While away at university, I would meet the man I would marry. He appeared caring and concerned for my well-being. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and he was an abuser. I had no idea how to spot abusive relationship warning signs. Before the wedding, I had no exposure to pre-marital counseling through the church. If I had access to this, it would have revealed some of his hidden motives and why I relied on the marriage to help my self-esteem.
The abuse that I endured was emotional, physical, and psychological. During the thirteen-year marriage, I had nowhere to turn but to the Lord. My faith, trust, and relationship with God grew. I clung to the church for support, attending prayer and evening Bible study on Tuesday nights. I also made sure my children were involved with the church. I noticed when my ex-husband was away on business; I would feel joy and peace in my home. He was not there to bring down my spirit or abuse me. He tried to break me down mentally — trying to make me feel that I was crazy or unstable. When I tried to involve law enforcement, he would make gestures and comments that painted me a crazy woman. I made it through my situation without falling apart because of my love and trust in God.
During Tuesday night Bible study, I met a lady who helped me through my struggles. She shared her story about abuse and testimony of how the Lord delivered her. I was unsure why I was so open to sharing with her, but I felt so comfortable. She eventually shared her concern for my well-being and told me that I was, in fact, in an abusive relationship. I did what a lot of abuse women do; I stated it was not that bad. We had a big house, two cars went on vacations, and sometimes his behavior was okay. Despite this, she gave me her number and told me that when I was ready to accept my situation to give her a call. After our conversation, suddenly, my marriage went from bad to worse. While taking graduate classes, I received a cancer diagnosis. Chemotherapy was rough. My ex-husband appeared to care about my well-being, but the abuse escalated when I regained my strength.
Being convinced that I needed to make a change in my relationship, I reached out to my pastor for guidance. When doing so, his response was, what did you do to make him angry? This accusation was heartbreaking — I never went back to see him again. I prayed for three years for God to change my husband. After one abusive encounter, the Lord spoke to me and told me to Get out now. He is not going to change. I immediately called the police because he pointed a gun at me. From there I got a protective order and stayed with friends from church until they removed him from my home. I know that I would not be alive today if I had not left.
Sometime later, I felt a strong desire to be used by God. An opportunity came to me when I joined a multicultural church. I joined the women’s care ministry and trained to pray and support individuals on the phone. I later supported domestic violence victims. Two years later, I began writing my book to reveal churches, individuals, and organizations that support domestic violence victims. I also attended workshops and seminars, etc. I eventually was invited to speak at churches. In 2015, I met with the Care Ministry Director at my church who asked me which I was more passionate about, cancer or domestic violence? I chose domestic violence. From there we prayed for God to send someone to work with me. God answered our prayers when He sent a domestic violence survivor — the Ministry, Rapha’s Arm, was created in October 2015.
Through my experience, one thing is clear: there is hope and a future for the survivors of domestic violence once they realize change is possible and then healing can begin. God's word offers salvation to all who believe and brings the hope of a better future for individuals who accept Christ as their Savior.
I believe the church plays a pivotal role in bringing victims to the point that having hope in God can change their lives.` Victims can know who they are and whose they are, which is fearfully and wonderfully made by God. This process takes time. The goal is to help victims become well and healthy. They may still deny their reality and try to hide or put on a front to make people believe everything is alright. But one day, they will realize their situation is unhealthy and can take the baby steps with support from the church to complete healing.
I was Invited to be one of the speakers for a Women’s Ministry, I received this note:
"LOL (Love Out Loud)
Ms. Payne, I know you don’t really know me. Thank you very much. You have made me a follower of Christ. You are a definition of bravery. You have changed many lives by telling your story. You have made me a stronger Christian. Thank you very much."
Survivors of Domestic Violence Answer to a Question:
What would you say to an individuals in an abusive relationship to encourage them to seek help/safety for themselves and their children?
1. I would tell individuals in an abusive relationship to trust that they are worth so much more than what their abuser is telling and showing them. It is so worth it to take a chance on the freedom that lies ahead of them. Please step outside of that relationship and the comfort zone it provides. They owe it to themselves and their children to live fully in freedom!!!
2. As a result of leaving the abusive relationships, I have found a new church home that welcomes me and has helped further my healing. I continue to get stronger every day. Even when I'm not, I can forgive myself and others, and each day I am gaining internal strength as well as strengthening my walk with God within me. My life, which I had begun to see as burdensome as I looked at my experiences from a victim mentality, has begun to transform into one that is light.
Domestic Violence: The awakening of the Church to this important issue in today's society
By Dr. Peach Payne
A woman that has experienced domestic violence in her household has suffered a loss of self-esteem, security, and spiritual covering. A woman seeking help to flee an abusive situation can turn to secular society to direct her to shelters, lawyers, and finances to relieve her fears of finding a place for herself and her children. Churches are aware of domestic violence issues, but many pastors, leaders, and laypersons are not properly trained to minister to victims seeking guidance and support.